I'm a Little Angry

Words cannot describe how annoyed I am right now. I've been trying to take it in my stride and just move forward, but I won't until I get this little rant articulated so I can reassure myself that I am right and they are wrong.
I belong to a community that has little respect for boundaries. I think it's my fault because I have not established any, however that is about to change. I grew up in this community, the adults there were role models to me, as well as leaders, unquestionably trusted due to my innocence and naivety. I've been through the awkward adolecent period where every adult who doesn't share my opinion is the enemy, and I feel I am well and truely past that, moved on to the period where I can actually, calmly and rationaly, hear someones opinion and make a judgement based on my feelings, beliefs and character, not based on my trust for said person or their status. Meaning, before I make a conclusion, I think about it for myself... I don't just jump to it because that's what someone else thinks, or wants me to do.
So this is where boundaries come in... The people in my community have not yet realised that I have made this transition, and I accept this is my fault because up until now I've been unsure how to implement the changes in myself, I feel it and I do it, but I don't show it. In many ways I still give these people what they're pushing for, even though I dont want to... I just didn't know how to say or do what I wanted to do and still be respectful to these people, and also remain comfortable in myself (they have a tendancy to get inside my comfort zone and then tear it to shreads to get what they want from me, and whether or not they manipulate that fact to get what they want, I dont know, but I should hope not). No more childs play for me... I have every right to want what I want, whether I leave early, keep personal information to myself, stay home on a sunday... Whatever! So my goal is to establish some boundaries, where it's not ok for people to ask me about my relationships... It's not ok for people to hassle me at the door to stay in church for the 35 minutes I don't want to stay... It's not ok for them to treat me with no respect, but be 'diappointed' when they don't recieve it in return. I'm not one of those people who say "If you want my respect, you have to earn it." I believe everyone deserves respect, however if I am disrespected by someone, they should then expect to work for my respect, because someone who can't treat me with basic decency does not deserve my time. I'm angry that this is the case, I wish it wasn't. Hopefully soon I will have the strength and knowledge to take control of my personal life, of my boundaries and of the way others talk to me.

Love

This blog is amaing. I've written some of the most insignificant things about my life, but reading over it, it really makes me happy. It's a reminder to me of all of the things that happen to me that I didn't even remember, of my state of mind during certain periods of my life and of how clever I sound sometimes...

I Don't.

I don't feel like putting my feelings into words... Sometimes I don't even want to feel them. I don't want to feel slightly lonely or a little bit sad because my skin isn't perfect. I don't want my self image to be affected by others opinions of me and I don't want my opinions of other people affecting their self worth. I want to live in a world where everyone is kind because they can be, not because someone has been judged worthy of kindness. I want to be able to accept everyone else for who they are, even if they're different from me in ways I will never understand or fully appreciate. I want to only say kind things. This is my goal.