The Times.

I love the fact that I kept a diary when I was younger. When I read through the entries from various years of my life I get to see how I've changed, but something I love even more than that is to see the ways I haven't changed at all. It's true, there's a lot of cringing involved when I read through it, but every now and then I read an entry that makes me feel just a little proud of myself. It reminds me of the goals I set as a youngster, and even though I'm no where even close to achieving them, I realise I've made progress.
I love the fact that when I was sixteen I my goals were to study hard, be a nice person, be patient and accepting. These are still my goals. Sure, there are a few more tacked on the list these days, but in essance it's the same. I don't think this is a bad thing in the slightest. Change is great, but with goals like these it's unneccessary.
I love reading about what I thought I wanted to be. Sixteen year old Jessica wanted to go to University half way across the world, she wanted to study art and atrophysics, but be a psychologist by day, and sip hot chocolate from the finest cafes in France. I had a "List of People I Want to Marry." Including a whole bunch of B list celebrities from ABCTV. Sixteen year old me had to write everything down just to sort it out. Twenty year old me is studying at tafe, to be an electrician, I hate the idea of France and can't even fathom the idea of marriage due to a horrid fear of committment and a habit of changing my mind at the drop of a hat. Twenty year old Jess doesn't write anything down, she just pushes it down so it goes away. Basically I'm not anywhere near where I planned to be, but you know what, I love that fact.
I love that I don't keep a diary like I used to, because it means nothing is so wrong that I need to get the pen and paper out to figure it out. I love that I'm not half way across the world, because it means I appreciate everything I have here in front of me more than I ever did four years ago. I love that I'm studying to be an Electrician, simply because I never EVER saw it coming. And i love that I'm scared of committment, because it means I won't rush anything.
I'm just so glad that I can make the assessment that, yeah, I'm doing pretty well considering. I may hae changed, but all the important things have remained. I still try every day to be a better person than I was the day before, and frankly I'm impressed that sixteen year old me was doing that too. I still give everyone a fair go, even when they give me absolutely no reason to trust them. I'm much more carefree now, and I think I enjoy myself more. And if every four years I can notice more positive change in myself, then I think I have a very happy life ahead of me.

I know life isn't meant to be easy, but I think if you have the right attitude even the difficult parts can be a pleasure.

I hope I am facing every day with the best possible attitude I can muster. I feel like in my environment it's all I can do, because if I don't I'll just fall down and never get back up. Sometimes I get tired of it, of always looking for the positive and of trying my best, but what else can you do? I've seen people take several alternatives and it's not pretty! I hope sometimes I'm doing it right. What if my frame of mind is completely wrong? What happens then? But I only worry for a second before I tell myself "Hey, you're doing pretty well for yourself!"

I might not be rich or famous... but then again why would I want to be? Fame and fortune doesn't equate to success in my books. Sometimes I have to remind myself exactly why I am successful, and I think that's what this post is all about, so excuse me if I sound like I'm gloating... I'm just trying to reassure myself I'm on the right path. Recently I've learned a lot of lessons I will keep with me for life. I've learned these lessons in a place I never thought I wold, my workplace. Not only am I trained on how to be an electrician, I'm being trained on how to be successful, happy, grateful, carefree, confident, friendly, patient and so many other things I just never thought would stem from a job.

I'm a woman in a man's world... and I love it! I've never felt more like I'm making a difference than I do in this job. I hope one day I can be called one of the pioneer females in the trades industry. I hope I can be an example to others, and I hope I'm representing my gender in a way that deserves respect from my colleagues. I try my best and so far the responses I'm getting from my superiors and workmates tells me that I am more than capable to do this job.

I think this has shaped my character in many positive ways. I've become much more confident in myself, and can easily carry out a conversation with a stranger. I've leaned not to take other people's opinions so seriously, because in the end my opinion is the only one that's going to affect me. I've learned too many lessons to list and met so many wonderful people.. and I'm only a second year apprentice! At one point I wanted to chuck this job in, I hated it and I wanted to quit, the best lesson I've learned is that you dont know what each new day will bring, and if you shy away from it you never will. It could be the best day of your life but if you aren't brave enough to get up and face the challenges then you won't ever receive the blessings. My job is a blessing that I deserve because I kept getting up, kept suffering, until one day it wasn't so bad, and then the next day it was fun, soon after it was a pleasure and now I wouldn't have it any other way.