Here's the Update.

The past two weeks of my life have been excellent. The wonderful and the awful have all melted into the perfect fortnight in my mind, and now I am going to immortalise it forever in this blog.
Friday27th; Party for my sophie. This party was in itself average, as most parties are, however the company was extraordinary. Special mention to abby, and her very special relationship with him who shall not be named, the awkwardness could be cut with a knife, instead I chse to stand back and laugh at it until I cried. Also Blayden, who wore white, aka everyone spill your drinks on me. Ben, with the brilliant "Talk clean to me" quote. And the first time I've stayed up til dawn. Mario and chips at 3am and also owl city! After the horrid music at that party I have never loved them more in my life.
Saturday28th; Sleeping all day so I would be up to HVB all night. Emily, Emma and I really pulled up and ht the town. Getting into maitland about 11pm, and realising it doesn't come alive til about 1230, we ventured into Eagle Boys to talk to our water aerobics instructer, who is quite an interesting character, and whose number I also scored. From there we went and sat by the river, because the night was gorgeous and awesome. Also quotes like "The moon is so bright" "I know it's like day outside" Def. not my finest hour! Dancing and going up and down the stairs! A million toilet trips!!! Silent guy! There was a guy who just came up to us, never said anything, mime asked me if I wanted to dance, then followed us downstairs and kept smelling emily's hair! Oh and 15 year old boy. Ahh and crutches guy. Poor guy had crutches and was trying to dance on the side of the dance floor but everyone left him, then when we came back he was dirty dancing with some skank! It was a proud moment, and also a little gross. That night was filled with hilarity. "Are you guys pretty shy?" "No, not really" (We just don't wanna talk to you.) The birth of the nuggets tradition.
The week; We have beach trips, weird texts with aerobics instructer, maitland for breakky with the girls, christmas lights spectacular (not that spectacular in my opinion), more really weird texts, officially weird between us now, it makes me laugh, laughing at girl who dislikes me trying to make me feel bad, I've really mastered the art of not letting people get to me, it's great. Carpark talks that make me want to scream. Cliche hour.
Weekend; Spent at HVB again, because it's just that awesome. Lots of dancing, saw silent guy again, and 15 yr old boy looked about 12 this weekend. So much fun. I love it.

While My Nails Dry

My head is spinning. I haven't been so nervous in so long. The thing is though, it isn't regular nervousness, I wish it was regular nerves because I know how to deal with that! This is a retarted "I can't do anything about this situation except think about it, which doesn't really help except to make me more nervous" type of nervousness. I hate this! All I can do is wait and see, and it isn't even that important, but I just wanna know what's going on, so it's at the top of the list of interesting things on my mind at the moment. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
I wish I could just know. Everything would be better if I knew.

Overflow

My head hurts again and the butterflies are flapping in weird ways. I'm being reminded why I decided not to bother with this kind of thing for a while.

:(

I love it when one of my students goes on holidays and doesn't tell me tutoring is cancelled so I show up at their house anyway when noone is home but the housesitter who is in pyjamas at 5 in the afternoon so it's kinda really awkward!

I Notice All the Magic

I must admit it is pretty damn easy to be happy in my life.

Beach trips with Hot Boxes from Yummy Noodle.

Games day after aerobics where I win Buzz and Monopoly.

Team Jessica at Netball! Abby in GD and me in GK are a stellar defensive team.

Falling down a hill and getting a grass burn can only be described as fahhreakin' hilarious, who thought grass could burn? Now I know it does, and also not to speed up when running down a steep hill.

Laughing at nothing with Britt when we really should be getting on with maths. At the time "Do you really know that that's six or are you just guessing?" was really funny, upon reflection I have no idea why.

Paying $10 for pizzas I don't actually want just to show Emma a boy I had my eye on.

Running hurdles. Enough said.

"I have to fix a door." And other excuses for conversation starters.

Dancing to Owl City in my car, it's all about the shoulders when youre car dancing!

Emily conversations ; "If I went to gaol I'd shave my head and become heaps buff and bash all the girls." "If you fell into another dimension how would you change your earrings?"

Roadtrip to the sunshine state next year.

Starting a career.

Wii fit at Abby's (especially her showing me how to do yoga) all I can say is LOL!

How I Met Your Mother marathon, does it get any better?

Sweet bargains on things I probably don't need but buy anyway, ie $1 rollerskates.

Butttterflies

I have the butterflies in my belly, it's quite unusual and alarming. I love them though, and I'm thinking about naming them because I have a feeling they might be around for a while. I think I'll call one gypsy, one angus, one charles and the other manaeah. We have a party planned every week, it's so much fun.

:) I Love It When He Smiles!

I'm finlly in a writing mood again. I think iy's because I have awesome hair (or maybe some free time?).
Lately I've been thinking a lot about everything other than life. Namely what happened before, and what's going to happen after. It's quite an interesting topic. Sometimes it literally hurts me to think about and I end up screaming and in the fetal position on my bed but that's okay, because it means I'm really delving. I started out with a lot of questions, particularly to do with intelligences, the pre existance, the role of God and the Savior in relation to the "worlds without number" and also the role that all worthy people will eventually play in the creation of their worlds without number. My questions, funnily enough, lead to more questions, which leads to me having an attack of the screams. After the screams I pull it together and start all over again. It's a fun little cycle.
I've also noticed how much I don't get people, and their ways. I think I've talked about this before. How people say one thing when they actually mean another. How small things like "she didn't write back to my text," can be so distressing. It's just mental! And by "it" I mean the lengths people read into things because of the fact that noone says what they mean anymore. And by noone I mean most people. I think when you speak, you should say what you want the other person to hear, then there will be a little less confusion. I used to do it myself. When someone was doing something that bothered me I would tell them I didn't care, expecting them to realise that "I don't care" is actually me saying shut up and go away please. But because I told them I didn't care, they didn't shut up and go away. After much thought, I decided I wanted to get what I wanted, and the key was to say what I was thinking, in the most direct (yet still polite) way possible. I swear by this now, it works and everyone is happy!

Ew.

I feel yuck. Today has not contributed the the advancement of my character in the slightest. I was rude, impatient, mean and horrid.

:)

Big Smiles!

Yumm

Until today I had forgotten the joy of snuggling up with a good book when it's cold out. It's not that I don't read very often, I do. It's just that I find it really hard to pick new books, especially since they're usually so expensive. Once I've found a good author though I tend to read everything they've ever written, and I have just purchased a new Audrey Niffenegger book, who was the author of the brilliant "The Time Traveller's Wife", a book I absolutely adore with my whole heart. So I've spent the better part of today reading "Her Fearful Symmetry" and I am not disappointed in the least. Actually the only problem is I finish books to fast and then I have the arduous task of selecting a new book. It's so hard!

I Bet You'll Never Guess What I Am!

I'm ready for a change.
I'm ready to smile.
I'm ready for something new.
I'm ready for an adventure.
I'm ready for secret glances.
I'm ready to be chased.
I'm ready to worry about whether I look good enough.
I'm ready to be completely embarrassed.
I'm ready to be bitterly disappointed.
I'm ready to lie awake and wonder.
I'm ready to feel inadequate and horribly lame.
I'm ready to let the butterflies get the better of me.
I'm ready for the electricity.
I'm ready to be so nervous I can't eat.
I'm ready to wonder what he's wondering.
I'm ready for hugs.
I'm ready to feel obsessed and absurd.
I'm ready for a bestfriend.
I'm ready for someone to know me better than I know mysef.
I'm ready for my heart to feel like it's bursting out of my chest.
I'm ready to cry my eyes out when it all turns out wrong.


I'm ready.

But am I really?

Eh

The funny thing about lonliness is that it happens when you would never even be with another person anyway, like at 12 in the night, or right before you go to sleep. It's not a feeling I particularly enjoy or experience very often, but lately there's just something different. I've been finding myself wanting that number I can call if I'm bored on a wednesday night and want to do something spontaneous, or if I've just had a huge fight with my brother and I need some chocolate and a good hug.

Today

I have red fingernails. It is special. Red is my bold colour. This week I'm going to be bold.

I've Decided I Love

• Reading my scriptures after everyone else has gone to sleep. It's the most peaceful time in the house, and I can really think clearly about what I'm reading.
• Reading Michael Marshall after everyone's gone to bed. I've never known fear quite like a Michael Marshall book after dark, and they read better when it's in the back of your mind that maybe thins could be happening right now.
• Swimming laps after aerobics. It's the cool down where all i need to think about is what number I'm up to, and how many more before I stop to get the water out of my goggles.
• Singing in the car. There's nothing better than a smartly conceived playlist and kms of road waiting to hear my voice.
• Bamboo chimes. I have one in the tree outside my window, it allows me to hear the wind, even if it's only a breeze.
• Reality TV. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd admit this, but shows such as "Farmer Wants a Wife" and "Beauty and the Geek" really have my heart. Not to mention the really inspirational and beautiful ones such as "Domestic Blitz"!
• Keeping a journal. Writing my thoughts out stops me from overflowing my brain.
• Positivity. I'm always trying to excel at this, because I really do have a tendancy to be cynical and sarcastic.
• Being able to decide whether I want curly or straight hair in the morning. Thanks hair for being naturally curly and thanks hair straightener for being realllly hot.
• Being young and single, not for the reason that most people do though. I have the capacity to learn so much in my youth, and I'm really trying to make the most of this short time, to spend on study and on developing my character and strengthing my faith, so that when I'm older I will always have this knowledge and this foundation in the gospel. I heard this really great quote too, I have to paraphrase because I don't know it word for word, but it said we aren't here in this life to prove to God who we are, He knows everything, He already knows who we are. We are here to find out for ourselves who we are, because we knew once, but that veil we went through on the way to this life has left us in the dark a little. So that's the quote, and the reason it's relevant is because that's what I want to spend this time doing, figuring out who I am. And what better way is there to do it than to learn about where I started out, and where I'm headed. Recently at stake conference one of the speakers said that it's healthy for the soul to know where you're from, and where you're going. That's what I have a real hunger to find out, along with a million other things. And like Summer said from The OC, You can't make a circle unless the two halves are whole. By the time I meet that guy I'm gonna meet who will eventually convince me to marry him somehow, I want to be a full semicircle. his is something I'm obviously passionate about and have sooooo much to say about, but I shall leave it at that considering it is again 1am in the morning and I don't want to make this a bad habbit.

Delerium at 1am.

UGGGGGGGHHHHHH! I've learned two things about myself recently, I am a slow runner and I'm so not smooth! The first fact I can deal with, I don't really need to run fast unless I'm running away from something, but the second fact is giving me some trouble. Usually my unsmoothness works in my favour but I totally froze tonight and now things may or may not be weird.
That's another thing I do, I can be awesome friends with someone one day, and say anything in the world, then I'll realise that maybe I might just have some feelings there for this person and the next day I can't string a sentance together without feeling like an idiot! Is that normal?? And why doesn't it go away when the cons outweigh the pros? Technically it should, in all logic if something is not going to work then the concept is changed, it's remodelled as soon as the problem is located. I've located the problem but nothing's changed!!! Eww I hate this. But I also don't. Why? You ask. I shall tell you why...
The chase is an exciting thing, it's something I reallly enjoy. It does have its ups and its downs, but that's what makes it so much fun. When its down you figure out what you can do to make it an up, then you do it and succeed and everything is wonderful. However, when you do something in hope of making it an up, and you fail, you get more down, which means its harder to get back up again. But on a rollercoeaster the down bit it the best part, so you always have to look at the biggest picture.
Now the reason this probably reads like jibberish is because its almost 1am and I need to get it out of my head so I don't dwell on my epic fail tonight! I can dwell on my epic success which I had today, but I'm not sure about that yet, I don't know enough to know whether it is what it seems like. Soooooooooo that's why I started with an ugggggggggghhhhh! because of boys, i knew there was a reason I decided not to get a new boyfriend until 2010, because even boys that don't know I maybe might like them a tiny little bit really annoy the hell outta me. Imagine what it'd be like if they actually knew, ugggggghhhhhhh! so much work! But that's ok i guess, i mean it wouldn't be so hard once they knew, because then that whole questioning would be gone. You'd know for sure where they stood instead of second guessing everything!!!! uuuuggggghhhhh! I think they should put that in the dictionary, because it is so useful in describing exactly how i feel. If it were in the dictionary this is what it'd look like.

Uggggghhhhh!: An expression of exasperation, however unlike exasperation uuugggghhhh! has both positive and negative components to it. The negative component is usually in reference to a circumstance that appears futile, but really just requires the notion of "wait and see" to mend what appears to be wrong. The positive component is that the circumstance is too much fun, or too valuable to just give up or ignore, and deep down its worth all the hastle.

I wonder how that'd go in the dictionary. Not very well I assume because it really only works for me right now in this exact situation. Which, overall is a good situation, well it's better than no situation i think, and it may even be a little bit challenging. I do love a challenge, especiallly one like this.

I'm gonna try to explain this.

Why is it so hard to say easy things? Like "I like you," or "We should hang out more." There always seems to be "what ifs?" Or "I can't because..." Is it because we are protecting ourselves, "What ifs?" do help if it's something like "What if prison hasn't changed him and he still has murderous tendancies?" But what about "What if he says no?" Is that really a legitimate inhibition? And why are the "What ifs?" always negative. What is wrong with the way we speak to ourselves that the "What ifs?" are always negative? I don't like this fact.
I have a friend who said she wants to be about change, she was talking about changing the world, helping the poor in third world countries. Well I want to be about change too, but I want to change myself. I want to tell a boy I like him even if I'm sure he'll never ever like me back, because if I say something, it means I'm not saying nothing, which means I have a much greater chance at getting what I want. I want to face an impossible challenge and hear the words "I can!" pop into my head before I hear "I can't because..." I want to believe I can finish anything I start, without a single doubt. I want the right attitude and I know where to start.
I've made a "To Do List," it may take me my whole life to accomplish, but that's okay, because it will also shape me into an incredible person. It reads;

1. Be tolerant of all.
2. Don't murmer.
3. Edify and uplift.
4. Recognise the Lord's hand in all things.
5. Be humble.
6. Be teachable.

That's my solution from changing an "I can't," into an "I can." I'll let you know how it goes.

I think...

Everyone should just chill the hell out!

Am I Doing It Wrong?

Theres this article in the ensign abot blogger which has made me realise that maybe blogger is a lot bigger than i first assumed. it really seems like its the most amazing thing ever and almost bigger than facebook or myspace in the ensign, and im just not getting those vibes from it. thus i have deduced that maybe im doing it wrong, although i didnt know it was even possible to blog wrong.

I promise to love you blog

its a new day for blogdom. i swear my devotion and dedication for atleast until decemeber or until i forget about you again. because you are my new out loud diary, i feel like talking to no one once again. heres some funny news, i really like the song "like it like that" by guy sebastian, so ive decided i must buy the album. i never in a million years thought this to be remotely possible. i also just started listening to les sages, and its really hitting the spot, also ben folds, i need some more of him. his song "the frown song" is just excellent beyond my abilities to describe, actually i do have the abilities to describe how excellent it is but im not going to because its easier to just hear it for yourself. i also found this thing on my laptop that ive never seen before called windows dancer, and a little fat man come up whenever i put on music and does these fully lame, but oh so awesome, dance moves. i may borrow from him next time i go out dancing. speaking of which, i may not go out for an extended period of time, the last two times i went i got violently ill soon after for no apparent reason, so ive dedused im allergic to pubs, haha.ohhhh yay, the frown song just came on. i could have a dance party right now. i really enjoy a good synth solo. i really do not enjoy the cruddy music thats filling the radio these days though.

My Weekend was Spesh

For some reason, at this exact moment, of 9:06pm, on this exact day, i really feel the need to express myself. I feel funny, not haha funny, although I am hilarious (okay maybe haha funny), but weird funny, but the weird funny where you don't know why it feels weird, except I do know why it feels weird I just don't want to say it, because as soon as I say it it becomes real, and at the minute I want it to keep being just a thing in my head with no words attached to it yet.
Execpt I did attach words to part of it the other day, except at the time I was borderline delerius so I'm thinking about striking it from the record.
What I'm also thinking of is posting all the summary sheets I do for institute, because I don't want them to go to waste on just one person, or get lost. I don't know if it will make a great deal of diference considering noone reads my log, but who knows!
I have a few at the moment. There's;
1. Symbolism and Typology in the OT.
2. The Passover
3. Exodus 20; The Ten Commandments
4. Names of the Lord
They kinda rock. If I do say so myself.
I also had the opportunity to be an out patient at Cessnock Hospital this weekend, and it only took them and hour to fix me, I worked out, the sicker you are, the less time it takes. Which makes sense obviously, but now I know if I'm not very sick it doesn't matter if I got there first.
The doctor with the shorts above his knees and whie socks (as he was known to me in my dehydrated and suffering brain) shorty long socks was his nickname, gave me a needle and two cups of electrolytes (it was called something else but I can't recall the name) and made me so much better.
Thanks shorty long socks!
Thanks slightly angry sister who triaged me!
Thanks electrolytes!
Thanks maxilin needle!
Thanks dad and mum!

Thankyou NovaSkill and Coal & Allied.

I'm on my way and it is grand. Finally I have secured myself a wonderful full time job, thanks to a lot of fasting and begging.
Apart from that another awesome thing has happened to me this week. I found my new life motto, and it just so happens to be a scripture that, if I try my best to adhere to, will get me through my current trial! It's Exodus 14:14. She's a beauty, it reads "The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." Works a charm, and I say it to myself whenever I think it's my job to yell at someone for treating me badly, or correct them when they're wrong even though they don't handle correction very well and saying something will only start a fight. So I have a new life motto and a new favourite OT scripture all in one, this makes me a very happy girl.
I enjoy knowing things about the scriptures, and I've found the person who has really made an impact on me is Joseph, the son of Jacob. He is amazing. If I turn out to be half as great as he was then I will be very pleased with myself. I actually found a DreamWorks cartoon movie called "Joseph: King of Dreams" at Video Ezy the other week that was only $6, so I bought it. It is generally right, the only thing wrong with it is that in the movie Joseph murmurs, and in real life he never did that. Also in the movies he harbours a real hate for his brothers, which he didn't have in real life because he recognised God's hand in all things. These two qualities that were forgotten in the movie are two of the most wonderful things about Joseph, two of the things I want to possess and the two things that make me feel honoured to be a part of his lineage. It was quite sad he wasn't as amazing in the movie as he was in real life. He was voiced by Ben Affleck though, i love Ben Affleck.

Stuff Right Now

I don't like a lot of things. Mostly I don't like intolerance. I don't like hatered. I don't like name calling. I don't like yelling and I certainly don't like that I am capable of all these things.
At this point in my life I have recognised that I am going through a trial, I don't know what it's preparing me for, all I know is that it's happening so that I learn patience, love, but most importantly, so that I learn how to approach, or not approach if need be, a situation in which I am being harassed or abused verbally. Unfortunately this trial can also bring out the very worst in me. When this happens it helps me to think about Joseph, the son of Jacob/Israel. Joseph was brilliant. He took positive attitute to a new extreme. He was in slavery or prison from the age of seventeen to thirty, but he faced every trial with a happy heart, seeing the Lord's hand in all things. I am trying to be so much more like Joseph. I've found it's hard because most of the time I don't want to let go of the anger, I want to yell and scream and make them see they're hurting me, but I've found a method in which I can calm myself down and be more like Joseph. First I breathe, three deep breaths. Next I tell myself, "The Lord wil deal with them, it's not my place." And most of the time that works. When it doesn't I pray for forgiveness and strength and patience and love and all those other things that I need so much right now. He listens, I grow. One day I'll know why this is neccessary.

I Love Books

I'm sorry neglected blog. I still love you. I know I haven't written for two months but I have a great excuse, you'll love it. I haven't been abe to put down the book I'm reading, actually books, because I've stumbled across a little treasure trove of good literature that I simply cannot turn away from. Borders and OPSM. Borders has been my supplier of brilliant Michael Marshall books. Bad Things was the beginning of my readathon, a fresh from the publishers Marshall book. I enjoyed it, but it didnt really have the essance of all that is Marshall, and that is, making me as the reader question everything I know to be true about life. Secondly I got my happy little hands on a book called The Time Travellers Wife. I cried my eyes out. Occassionally I do adore books that make me cry (in a good way), and this was one of those occassions. This book I got from OPSM, for free. Those who know me best know I am a true cheapie and I love a freebie. Since then I've aquired another Marshall book, and all it's glory I might add. The Intruders, there must be a sequel, if there is not the author will receive polite letters (demanding another two books) constantly until he drowns in them. Now I'm up to Catch Twenty Two, which I am especially excited about because I've heard great things. I love books.

The Blue Dress

I can do anything I want with my life, anything whenever I want. I knew this, but in the "everyone says it all the time so I'm not really listening" kind of way. Then I bought this blue dress, it's brighter than clothes I normally wear, and it's lucky. It gives me confidence. I often lack confidence, now I'm getting better.

yaya

Hello. I’m Jessica.
I like the beach, water sports, slightly melted ice-cream mixed with chocolate cake, shoes, pashminas, autumn, Boston Legal, figuring out the answers, Kate Nash, being asked “How are you?”, KFC chips, shortened words such as “Deffo”, facebook, reading fiction, How I Met Your Mother, The Postal Service, secrets, history (only the interesting bits), occasionally staying up late, new clothes, brown eyes, physics, The IT Crowd, cute teeth, when the fuel light in the car comes on but then turns off again, the panorama function on my camera, finding money in my wallet that I’d forgotten about, one chip left over that you dropped, the triangle, natural sources of energy, lip balm, indie music, Daydream Island, summer nights under the stars, hot showers in winter, free stuff, chocolate, game shows, chicken, Denny Crane, camping, cheese and fake wine, Monday night TV, orca whales, water aerobics, curly hair, Merlin, bamboo chimes, swishy skirts, the word “Lame”, thunderstorms, having the house to myself, sprinklers, smiling, trivia, kittens, bonfires, road trips, cookies and cream ice-cream, my mum, finding out the book you neglected to read because it looked lame was actually one of the best books you’ve ever read, hacking, straight hair, out of the ordinary, swimming at night, Blogger, adventures, my dad, the Great Barrier Reef, Lindt, my WHOLE family, sun showers, the smell of rain or freshly cut grass, crappy sci-fi, starfish, rainbows, being a math tutor, my grey jacket, magicians and Legen… wait for it … DARY!
I don’t like clichés, horror movies, alcohol, infotainment, falling ill, falling over, failing, feeling inadequate, vulgarity, vectors, spiders, any small creature with highly poisonous venom, caffeine, biting my nails, people who honk at me while I’m driving, washing my car, needles, ugly bugs, talking about my feelings, boring parties, holding things in my mouth, being in social situations where I don’t know anyone, horses, nuclear waste, goo, sunburn, asl?, surprises, having your words twisted, arguing unfairly, pessimists, being locked in small spaces, people touching my throat, crying babies, splinters, any foreign object stuck to or under my skin such as tics or leeches, persecution, pests, prolonged suspense, foundation, the price of petrol, rap, faulty appliances, breaking promises, traffic, rattles in the car, anxiety, road rage, running shoes, ironing, waiting, asthma, grudges, fear, ventriloquists dummies, clowns, evil dolls, littering, reality TV, box jellyfish, tomatoes, guns, racism, narrow mindedness, capital punishment, choppy seas, swearing, and pickles.

Haunted Item #2

I don't know what it is about objects in my room becoming haunted, but it seems to be all the rage recently. First it was my stereo, and I wasn't fully convinced it was actually haunted because i did touch the volume dial with PVA glue on my hands and i thought that may have seeped in and wreaked it, but now my new hair straightener has become haunted as well.

I first noticed when I was laying awake in bed in the middle of the night, I saw these blue flashes of light on the shelf where I keep it. At that time I ignored it because I was so tired, however, it happened again the next night. I couldn't be certain it was my straightner because it was always dark and I was always too slow to get over to it before the flashing stopped. Until the night before last.

I was sitting on my bed typing on my laptop, I'd placed the straightener next to my stereo because it's closer to the mirror and safer when it's on at 230 degrees celcius, when suddenly it started flashing. I grabbed it to see if there were any numbers on it (when it's heating up it flashes until its at the right temperature). There were no numbers, it was just flashing, all by itself for no obvious reason. Thus I have deduced that it too is haunted.

The "Haunted Objects in my Room" list is now up to two:

1. Stereo

2. Hair Straightener

I like to read old journals. I recently read some of my 2006 journal, I didn't realise some things about myself at the time, things that are quite clear to me now.
I think I'm poetic when I'm hurt, I'm crazy with speculation when I'm in love, that speculation turned out to be true, even though at the time it seemed unlikely.
I really doubted myself in 2006, but I suppose that's what a 15 year old girl does. I don't know how much of me has changed in those 2 years, I don't know if I'm still poetic when I'm hurt, lately I've just been getting angry and then telling myself to let it go when Isomebody hurts me. I don't know if I still have that crazed passion about love that I used to. I think I'm more level headed, more grounded, but I do have the occasional fantastic thought.
I'm not sure if I like self reflection.

My Updated Love Affairs

James Spader as Alan Shore- Lawyer at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Brilliant at doing his job in a passioate and rather sexy way.
Boston Legal- If anything in the world could convince me to become a lawyer it would be this show.
How I Met Your Mother- Brilliant concepts invented, examples consist of Woo girls, The Cheerleader Effect, Lemon Law and Legen.. wait for it Dary!
Sam Clark- Ever since I had a dream about him fighting a bad guy, then almost dying so I helped him by smashing a chair over said bad guys head, I have looked at him in a different light.
Kate Nash Songs- Her voice makes me happy.

The Value of Mmmm

On the inside of a quarter pounder box, from McDonalds, there is a blurb about the quality of meat used to make the burger pattie and a lot of other rubbish written to make McDonalds sound like heroes, but the most interesting thing is that there is an equation they've obviously thrown together to link all the useless information, about australian cows and such, they've listed inside the box. I've always dismissed this equation as McDonalds attempting to be mathematically "funny", however, the other night, whilst I was eating my quarter pounder and reading the box yet again I noticed that there was only one variable in the completely manufactured and obviously fake equation. That variable being Mmmm. So I thought ''I've stumbled across an opportunity, the opportunity to find the value of Mmmmm in McDonalds burgers!"

The equation that's read on the inside of the box is this:

(18 000 000 x 2.2) x 4 = (Mmmm^3 x 10^8)^10

I worked out that the value of the Mmmm in McDonalds burgers is only 4.04 x 10^-3. Which is quite a small number. I was wondering if that means that McDonalds burgers aren't very yummy? I wondered also if they meant for the equation to be solved, and how many others had solved it before me? Whatever the answers to these questions are, I'm glad I've finally found the value of Mmmm, it's like one of life's big questions have been answered and I can finally rest easy, knowing that Mmmm = 4.04 x 10^-3.

Cliche please?

I find myself wishing for the most beautiful love story to unfold right before me. I want it to stop. I don't like wanting a love story, it isn't fun! It's disappointing, and distracting, and not to mention a completely rediculous and unneccissarily romantic way to waste time. ugh.

Two Delicious Combinations

Combo #1.

Lemonade, Tropical Juice and Cranberry Juice.

You add lemonade first, then the troppo juice and lasty the cranberry juice, that way you get to watch the whole drink turn pink.

For the best tasting drink you should do it like my picture. It's delicious.

Combo #2.

It'a a new spin on the good ol' tiger toast. Insteas of toast you use two bits of rice cakes, and instead of tasty cheese yu use MERSEY VALLEY original cheese. If you don't use this cheese then you haven't experienced combo #2.

You have to spread vegemite on one rice cake (be sparing) and cheese on he other and then press them together to make a delux rice cake with vegemite and cheese filling. It's so damn good!

P.S I Love You

I love it when something suddenly makes you think, I know God exists because something this beautiful could never have happened by accident.
I've noticed this often happens to me when I do something out of routine. This time it was my camping trip to Hallidays Point with my friends.
Last night I saw the moon rise over the sea, it was a beautiful orange, and I don't usually relate the words beautiful and orange, but it was brilliant. I was able to lay in the sand on an empty beach in the middle of the night and look at the stars, I stared right into our galaxy, and I knew it didn't happen by accident. I was able to talk to a friend about the big life questions, the ones normal people dont know the answers to, she is seeking answers to these questions, unfortunately the answers I have dont interest her, which made me wonder, as i was looking at the magnificance of the universe, how can anyone look up at the night sky and not be convinced that there is a God?!
I climbed to a peak with my friends and viewed the ocean from a point higher and probably more dangerous than I've ever been in my life, and I lived! That was testament enough to me that He lives.
There are small things too, that remind me. There's the perfect weather we've had for the three days I booked for camping, or the fact that I didn't get dunked by the huge waves at the beach today while I was on the float, then I handed it to my friend who copped it straight away. Little things people might call luck, that I call blessings.
My mid week weekend camping trip provided me not only with fun adventures with my friends, but also with a rejuvinated love for the gospel and the comfort it gives me.

I Love Words.

Yeats speaks a language I wish was constantly running through my head. Yeats speaks of unrequited love, of heroics, of despair and redundancy, but my most favourite "Yeats Moment" has to be "Aedh Wishes For The Clothes Of Heaven."

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

He writes of my two favourite things, love and dreams. Love enough to give all you have to someone, not wealth or material but even more valuable, dreams. What is a person without a dream? What is a person without love? Where is that love, the one you'd give anything for? Where is the Maude Gonne to my Yeats (without the rejection, of course.)?

Words allow me to question things bigger than my own life, and then use the answers to solve my own problems. They take me out of my own head and make me feel better when nothing else can. Nothing makes me happier than a well put together sentance that makes me think about my perceptions of the world. Yeats does it to me, the movie Dead Peots Society does it. Michael Marshall and Robert Frost are brilliant at making me rethink.

I like quotes that make me question whether or not they actually make sense, for example;

I do beleive though I have found them not, that there may be words which are things.
- Lord Byron (Childe Harold's Pilgrimage)

How can words be things? Can an object be a word as well, a word is just a representation of a thing, is there an overlap? Does this quote mean anything??

Words calm me. Especially words that allow me to sort myself out.

Brilliant IT Crowd Quotes.

The only reason you wouldn't laugh out loud if you watched the IT Crowd is if you:
a) Have a terrible sense of humour.
b) Can't laugh.
c) Can't relate to nerds.

The best of the best IT Crowd quotes:

Moss: I can't go to prison Roy, They'll rape the flip outta me!

Moss: I wanna go back to being weird, that's all I got, that and my sweet style."

Roy: [answers phone] Hello IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? ... OK, well, the button on the side. Is it glowing? ... Yeah, you need to turn it on. Err, the button turns it on. Yeah, you do know how a button works, don't you? No, not on clothes.
[Moss's phone rings. He answers it.]
Moss: Hello IT. Yuhuh. Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
Roy: No, there you go, I just heard it come on. No, that's the music you hear when it comes on. No, that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry, are you from the past?

Roy: How do you know about this site?
Moss: Oh, I'm a member.
Roy: Really? You do the whole Lonely Hearts thing?
Moss: I'm a 32 year old IT-man who works in a basement. Yes, I do the whole Lonely Hearts thing!

Roy: [singing] We don't need no education.
Moss: Yes you do. You've just used a double negative.

Roy: If anyone was ever rude to me, I used to carry their food around in my trousers.
Jen: Oh my God! Before you brought it to their table?
Roy (sarcastically): No, after. OF COURSE BEFORE! Why would I do it after?
Roy: While he was eating, did you hear anyone laughing? Like... in the kitchen area.
Jen: Yes! Yes I did, actually, yes I did.
Roy: That'll be trouser food.

Jen: OK. Moss, what did you have for breakfast this morning?
Moss: Smarties cereal.
Jen: Oh my God. I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal.
Moss: They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk.

Richmond: You know how suggestible and easily swayed IT people are.
Roy: That's not true
Richmond: Yes, is.
Roy: You're right. Of course is.


This link allows you to watch every episode ever made of The IT Crowd.

http://itcrowdonline.com/S3-E2-Are-We-Not-Men-.php

Party Ring

I learned today that every girl needs a party ring. This is mine...

A party ring is supposed to capture your essance, and immortalise it in a piece of jewellery.


So this is me if I were a ring.

See the similarity?

My Current Love Affairs;

Yves Klein Blue; the only band that can make me happy in one chord.

Jude Law; English accent, beautiful face.

Lindt Chocolate; the perfect moderately priced milk chocolate.

My Teddy; the bear I've grown up with, lost and found many times, and secretly still cuddle at night.

Physics; the subject i can never hate for too long. If I say I can't do it, next time I'll be saying I can't believe I complained.

The IT Crowd; possibly the funniest british sitcom ever invented! It has the best story lines, the best one liners and the character Moss is comedy come to life.

Pashminas; my signature accessory for the winter months. The are warm, pretty and you can get one to match everything!

Michael Marshall; an author whose novels dramatically change the way I think. He truely does give me a new perspective on life. I love his work.

C. Leon Skousen; a brilliant man who really speaks to me concerning the doctrine of the church, unfortunately my computer got struck by lightening and I lost the mp3 I had. He really got into the grit of it, which is how I like to learn.

The Life Motto

I've decided that I'm going to always have a life motto. However, it doesn't have to be the same motto for my whole life. The rules are that it always has to be inspirational and able to persuade me to look at life in a different, and subsequently, better way. Or it makes me see things from a new perspective therefore giving me the chance to become more open minded. All in all a life motto can only be instigated if it is going to be used for good.
Since I've started using life mottos I've had two. They are "Enjoy the Little Things" and "Meet the Challenge".
"Enjoy the Little Things" was relevant to me because I needed to realised that good things don't just come with a huge flash, they are all around me and happen at any moment. This life motto made me appreciate the things I have, and the things I don't have to put up with.
"Meet the Challenge" is my current life motto. I decided on it because I am going to be challenged for the next three years, during university, especially doing math and physics as my major, and using "meet the challenge" as a life motto will remind me that I am capable of doing whatever I put my mind to, and making it into a challenge makes me more likely to achieve because it's like a game, and I love to win.
So that is the beauty of life mottos for me. They really do help alot.

The Day I Had Nothing To Do.

Today I had nothing to do. Literally. My room was clean, uni hasn't started yet so no homework (I actually went on the computer and did a math diagnostic test for fun! So sad.) and I'd finished season four of "Stargate SG-1" which is the season I most recently bought. So what I did was watch some special features of Stargate, and listen to my favourite band at the moment "The Fray" (They're speaking to my state of mind at the mo) while I dressed up like I was going to a formal event. Surprisingly I had a lot of time to think today, and luckily I had a lot to think about.
So here is what I learned about myself and my encounters with the percentage of the male population of whom I am interested in.

I figured out that there are two foundational factors that determine whether or not I will persue a relationship with a man.

1. The degree of difficulty of the chase/capture*.

2. The benefit of the relationship to me if the chase/capture is successful.

Now, I love a challenge, so the chase cannot be too easy. However, I also like to win, so I will not engage in the chase unless I think there is a possibility of being successful.
An easy chase is the first sign (for me) that the impending relationship will be boring and repetitive. On the other hand, if the chase is too lenghthy for no good reason then it indicates to me the realtionship (if ever reached) will move at an especially slow and boring place, full of ruts. Ruts=Bad.
In foundational factor #2 benefit here means the features of the man whom is endevouring to form a relationship with me. By features I mean his personality traits and physical characteristics. For example, benefits to me include, intellect, charisma, humour, and also attractive physical features. (Those are just the basics.)

So that's my epiphany for today, an insight into my crazy beehaviour when it comes to dating. An insight that makes enough sense to write down anyway.

Trivia Mania

A new tradition was born in the lives of Abby McAllister, Emily Devine, Mary Power, Sarah Wilkinson and myself. That tradition is tuesday night trivia at the Cessnock Supporters Club.


Our team is called "Party of Five" because of my terrible last minute thinking, and the fact that there are five of us. This fact caused much dispute among the team of "Extreme Bipolar" who swore there were six of us, and accused us of not being able to count. In all fairness to them there were six of us at one point, but they were old and unsure of the soundness of their minds, so we played on that.


There were four rounds in this trivia, in the first round, called "Trivialities", we scored a seven out of ten, winning our points on questions such as "What fear do you have if you have cyberphobia?" and other questions I can't quite recall.

The next round was "50/50", which we scored 6 from 10.

The third round, "Around The World" was our double points round. This round was the most epic round of the whole game. The first question was "Name three states of the USA that have 4 letters in them." We answered this question with ease because three years ago I took it upon myself to learn the name and approx. location of all the american states (don't ask me why.)
We witnessed a miracle in this round. One of the questions was "What is the name of the Irish Castle where the Blarney Stone can be found?" We knew that the Blarney Stone was a stone that people leaned over the edge of the castle to kiss for good luck, or the "gift of the gab" as wikipedia informs me, but we didn't know what the castle where it resided was called.
Out of desperation we wrote "Blarney Castle" as the answer. Everyone in my teamed laughed so hard when it turned out to be the right answer. It was incredulous!

In the end we scored 34, 10 points behind first place. Which is alright for a first game!

The Haunted Stereo

I don't belive in ghosts. However it is undeniable that my stereo system is in fact, haunted by a poltergeist. Wikipedia says;

"Although poltergeist stories date back to the first century, most evidence to support the existence of poltergeists is anecdotal, which is hardly surprising..."

Wikipedia, until last night I was one of those foolish enough to believe you, but now I say, Shutup Wikipedia!

My stereo system mysteriously went from the volume of 10, which is relatively quiet, and started to exceed in volume exponetially until it was audiable from my brother room as well as my mothers room!

This is not the first such incident either.