Delerium at 1am.

UGGGGGGGHHHHHH! I've learned two things about myself recently, I am a slow runner and I'm so not smooth! The first fact I can deal with, I don't really need to run fast unless I'm running away from something, but the second fact is giving me some trouble. Usually my unsmoothness works in my favour but I totally froze tonight and now things may or may not be weird.
That's another thing I do, I can be awesome friends with someone one day, and say anything in the world, then I'll realise that maybe I might just have some feelings there for this person and the next day I can't string a sentance together without feeling like an idiot! Is that normal?? And why doesn't it go away when the cons outweigh the pros? Technically it should, in all logic if something is not going to work then the concept is changed, it's remodelled as soon as the problem is located. I've located the problem but nothing's changed!!! Eww I hate this. But I also don't. Why? You ask. I shall tell you why...
The chase is an exciting thing, it's something I reallly enjoy. It does have its ups and its downs, but that's what makes it so much fun. When its down you figure out what you can do to make it an up, then you do it and succeed and everything is wonderful. However, when you do something in hope of making it an up, and you fail, you get more down, which means its harder to get back up again. But on a rollercoeaster the down bit it the best part, so you always have to look at the biggest picture.
Now the reason this probably reads like jibberish is because its almost 1am and I need to get it out of my head so I don't dwell on my epic fail tonight! I can dwell on my epic success which I had today, but I'm not sure about that yet, I don't know enough to know whether it is what it seems like. Soooooooooo that's why I started with an ugggggggggghhhhh! because of boys, i knew there was a reason I decided not to get a new boyfriend until 2010, because even boys that don't know I maybe might like them a tiny little bit really annoy the hell outta me. Imagine what it'd be like if they actually knew, ugggggghhhhhhh! so much work! But that's ok i guess, i mean it wouldn't be so hard once they knew, because then that whole questioning would be gone. You'd know for sure where they stood instead of second guessing everything!!!! uuuuggggghhhhh! I think they should put that in the dictionary, because it is so useful in describing exactly how i feel. If it were in the dictionary this is what it'd look like.

Uggggghhhhh!: An expression of exasperation, however unlike exasperation uuugggghhhh! has both positive and negative components to it. The negative component is usually in reference to a circumstance that appears futile, but really just requires the notion of "wait and see" to mend what appears to be wrong. The positive component is that the circumstance is too much fun, or too valuable to just give up or ignore, and deep down its worth all the hastle.

I wonder how that'd go in the dictionary. Not very well I assume because it really only works for me right now in this exact situation. Which, overall is a good situation, well it's better than no situation i think, and it may even be a little bit challenging. I do love a challenge, especiallly one like this.